Our anniversary is coming up on the weekend so to celebrate in my own weird way I’m going to be writing posts this week about our marriage and relationship. Before I get too far though I want to ask you: Is your marriage Extraordinary? Think on that as you read through my posts this week.
Now before I go too far I want to share with you a resource (that caused me to ask this question in the first place) that Curtis and I have come across recently. It’s the ONE Extraordinary Marriage podcast.
I’m not sure where we found this, I think it was something that was being discussed in one of the other podcasts that we listen to, but WOW. What an amazing marriage resource.
This couple sits down weekly and openly discusses their marriage for all to hear. They air their personal business, they talk through issues that they’re having and they offer suggestions as to how to get over hurdles in your own marriage in a straightforward manner.
They don’t beat around the bush either. I have never before come across a Christian couple (or any couple for that matter) that so openly shares about ALL aspects of marriage. They talk about kids, family, sex, conflict and conflict resolution, parenting, priorities, dreams, you name it they address it.
The thing that I think has resonated the most with both of us is that regardless of your beliefs the relational information they’re offering holds true. They’re open, they’re honest, they share very personal details about their lives, and yet they aren’t doing it for show. They’re not being dirty, or porny, or oversharing, just truthful and to the point.
When we stumbled across this podcast I would say that we were maintaining the status quo here. We were working together to get things done but it was all work and no play for us. We were discussing the parenting, the business, the chores etc. but we weren’t connecting with each other in a meaningful way and we were both missing each other.
I think that most couples with kids got through that at some point in their relationship. It’s easy to push your relationship aside for the sake of the kids because they’re busy, they’re fun, they’re fabulous, but they can also be exhausting and by the time they’re in bed you’re both just done.
So we started listening to the ONE podcast and have since gone back and started from the beginning – its that good. They have about 275 episodes now and we went back to episode one. We’re both listening at our own pace but we’re bringing things to the table as we come across something that resonates with us.
It had had a HUGE impact on our marriage. We’ve become closer, we’ve both been happier, and we’re way more connected. We’ve been working on re-prioritizing our lives so that we can put our marriage ahead of the myriad of other things that are part of our lives right now. It makes sense doesn’t it? I’ve committed to spend my LIFE with him till death do us part and as such I want it to be a damn good life. When the kids are gone he’ll still be here, and I want to know who this person I’m doing life with is.
So if things are awesome, if things are OK, if things are status quo, or if things really such in your marriage right now I encourage you to check out ONE. Listen to the podcast, read the blog. Spend some time prioritizing your spouse. It’s worth it!
Our long weekend was crazy! We had swimming, fundraisers, church, shopping, and parties to fill our time, but Curtis and I managed to eek out a little date time alone on the mountain too.
As I mentioned in a previous post we’ve recently decided that we need to try and get out together a little more often so that we get a bit of a break and some much needed time alone together to reconnect.
Curtis took the lead this time and arranged for a sitter on Sunday afternoon. We decided we would go for a trail “run”.
Up Vedder Mountain we went.
I’ve been up there numerous times but I don’t think I’ve ever been all the way to the top. When you’re taking kids along you kind of go at their pace. Sometimes that pace is SLOW. It’s more about the journey then the destination.
When it’s two adults going things are a bit quicker. As I said Curtis and I were “running” which was really more like a fast hike, running sections here and there. We managed to make the 10km round trip in about an hour and a half. Slowed down mostly by the dog.
It was so fun to get out, enjoy something together that we seldom get to do alone, and chat.
I think Roxy enjoyed the trip too. She often gets overshadowed by the kids when we go as a family and our little hike probably felt a lot like the good ol’ days for her.
It was a little nostalgic for us too to be out together in the woods. We’ve always enjoyed being in the outdoors together so for us it feels a little like we’re getting back to our roots. We both feel most at rest when we’re outside and the conversation flows easily!
How about you? Did you manage to squeeze in a bit of time alone with your special someone this weekend? I hope so!
We are once again going through a period of major expenses chez McHale. May has brought with it some major budget busters.
We are still following Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover principles and honestly I would say that now it is an adopted lifestyle. This month it’s been a really good thing.
This month we’ve had a pipe break under the floor in our kitchen, we’ve replaced the hot water tank, and another unit in our complex has required some major repairs which all the owners here have to pitch in for (this is normal in any condo/townhouse).
It has really squeezed us. In fact I’m not sure that we’ve felt squeezed quite so tight since before we started working this plan.
The difference now is that we have an Emergency Fund.
What you may ask is this thing we call an Emergency Fund?
It’s 3-6 months of our household expenses in cash in a bank account that is easily accessible in an emergency.
WOW have we ever been glad to have it this month.
We managed to scrape up enough cash to cover most of the repairs but there comes a point when you just can’t do it anymore. Enter the Emergency Fund. We were able to cover the remaining expenses in CASH because of our little stock pile.
In the days before we paid off our debts and decided to change our financial future we would have paid cash for a lot of these expenses but we would have come to a point when the money would run out and we would have used a credit card or line of credit to pay it.
I am so thankful that we are able to avoid doing so!
The importance of an emergency fund has hit home a number of times over the last year as we’ve seen the local teachers strike for months last spring, another local union strike for 12ish weeks, and watched as more than one family in our circle has experienced significant illness taking their primary bread winner out of work, and forcing the other half to go back to work during the crisis to help pay the bills.
During the local strikes especially I kept hearing stories of families where the sole income earner or even both income earners were employed by the same union – these families lost their entire income during that time. They were then going to the banks trying to get lines of credit or loans to pay their bills for the duration of the strike.
I would not want to be in any of those situations and I hurt deeply for those families. I cannot imagine what they went through.
The problem is that when you take out a loan during a crisis or emergency to get by you deal with the hangover for much longer than you may actually have to deal with the situation because you’ve got to pay it back.
I’m not criticizing any of these families they were all doing the best they could to get by. I’m just saying that as I watched these things happen I realized just how important having an emergency fund really is.
The sad thing for a lot of the families affected by the local strikes is that they were in industries where the jobs are considered very “stable” which proves to me that you never know. If they succeeded in getting a loan to help with their expenses they are most likely still paying that loan back now a year later.
For me watching from the outside it drove the home the importance of the Emergency Fund. There is a lot of security and peace of mind in knowing that if for some reason Curtis couldn’t work for a few months our bills are still paid.
Sure we would have to cut back on some of our “lifestyle” spending but really we can get by for a while without too many worries.
As painful as this month has been we’ve been able to get by. We’ve had to cut out pretty much all of our “lifestyle” spending. We’ve adjusted a few things, but the truth is, that it’s just one month. Looking at our June budget we’re able to replenish the Emergency fund after our little dip and things for the most part will return to normal.
So what about you. Could you pay for a few thousand dollars worth of emergency expenses tomorrow if you needed to or would you be running out for a loan? Have you thought much about living debt free and building an Emergency Fund? If not I would encourage you to do so!